Testing times

Saturday, September 20th, 2014 at 7:04 AM by CALF (Sharon) Life at Calf

My daily blog, may not always be daily simply because i really have so little spare time :0(
The last 6 years of my life have been the best yet the hardest in so many ways, i could not of possibly given any more of myself.
Yet for some reason i feel tested on a daily basis…When you hope, pray, ask for help and things seem to constantly get worse it really does test.
I have no interest in anything in life other than my kids/family and my animals, i look at humans,when i have to mingle with them and i know i am not the same.
My father often used to say he was ready to go home and i know exactly what he meant.
Why do i feel so alone
Where are the queues of people wanting to volunteer at the cafe and Sanctuary
Where are the like minded people who want to be part of calf
why do i feel like i have to do everything on my own
Why is it every job i try to get sorted never goes smoothly
Why Why Why …my head is so full of ideas to the point of bursting yet i am now so busy working i have no spare time left to do anything
Yesterday was my worst day to date, the feeling of total exhaustion and helplessness
I am a very chatty person, yet at present i want to hide away, i want to just be with my kids and animals. Yesterday as i set off to work i panicked as jesse pip was laid out and it looked wrong, i pulled the car over and ran to him, for a minute i thought he was dead, the way he looked reminded me of my “vegan” who died last year.
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“pippy” i shouted a number of times, no sign of movement. Then after what felt like an age to get to him he jumped up looking startled…

The feeling was horrible…I spent ages hugging him and alfie, milo and even the shy spirit joined in.
I miss my animals as i am so busy working, i do not know what i would do without them.
i look for answers and make excuses but i know whats happening…I am burning out and theres nothing i can do about it :0(
I am a very positive person yet i think even the patience of a saint would be challenged with my life….
Yes i know that i am the maker of my own destiny and believe me i am trying, yet for every step forward it seems that i take 2 backwards

Tired and weary

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